i barfeds in our rink
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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