I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
