Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
