I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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