Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
