u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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