Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
