i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Less talking, more tequila
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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