It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
