wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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