Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
