Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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