nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
