WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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