My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
