I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
