So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
vagina is talking i cant
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
