I only kidnapped one of them. chill
accomplished twins. life is a go
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
