you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
