let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
