walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
