she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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