porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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