life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
