I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize