i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
