So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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