I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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