I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
