So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
