You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
