I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
