No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
