Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
