Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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