You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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