I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
