Nicole vs. Life
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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