Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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