i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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