O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
