so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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