haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
