just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
