We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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