We're like a lot better than the average bears
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
