Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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