In the future we'll all be gay
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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