I wannas sexs uuuuu
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
