im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
